Okay, got a shove, push from my wonderful friend Tracey telling me to post something ,anything... so here goes...
Haven't had the PET scan yet.. it will be the end of November instead of the first and we are almost to the end so my dread gets reinstated now. Dr. will call with the date. How do I feel? Actually, pretty good, stronger every day, walking further, eating better.
Life is pretty dull here in Ventura, but the good weather makes up for my lack of any social life. If anyone had told me years ago , in the hey days of the galas and events in Palm Springs, that I would be spending my Saturday nights surfing the telly for some good shows ( okay, so now reruns of "Boston Legal" are on ABC on Saturday nights).. I'd have never believed it. It's such a life change but I must say even I am surprised at my level of content, of having adjusted, accepting that as much as I miss it, travel is not on my agenda now, nor is romance, or parties with a group of old pals. Granted my "gang" now is old, but that is their age not the length of time we have been friends.
Mostly, living here in this upscale senior independant living, we basically live from one meal to the next -- meal time is when all the " social" comes in to my life. I sit with the same people, by choice, each night. There are no assigned seats but I have sat at the same table, in the same chair, with the same people ever since I moved here...There are six of us at the table most times... I wait near the elevator most nights for a95 year old woman who is a living doll and sorta my best friend and how interesting that I forget her age when we are together. I mean I don't forget how old she is ,but I forget that gap in our relationship, we can giggle and talk and share things as if we were the same age. Some days I remind myself that she is the same age as my mother was. And the odd part is that her name is Dorothy, same as my mother. Dorothy has more energy than I do, walks blocks every day, dresses up every night for dinner, and she is a faithful reader of the Wall Street Journal so we have conversations that go well beyond what the weather is or what the menu is for tomorrow. You can see why I like her.
Dorothy and I are the only women at the table. There used to be three, but the third, a woman named Pat got involved with one of the men who used to sit with us and now they are lovers ( in their 80's, mind you...) and prefer to have drinks for an hour before a meal so eat later now. They do join us for lunch, but not for dinner any more.
We get teased by other residents that we are the elite table. Not sure why they think that but 3 of us are on the residents' council, positions of power that represent the residents in meetings with management - so maybe that is where that comes from.
The men at the table? I've written about them before. All in their 80's, all still very sharp so our conversations at meals always focus on current events, politics, books, what's on t.v.... and the nicest part of all this is that we are like family. We sure watch out for each other. If one doesn't show up for a meal, we call to make sure they are okay and if someone is sick, we either take a meal to go to them in their apartment or have the wait staff do it. We know when one of us has a dental appointment, doctor visit, going to see a offspring, going out to lunch with a friend who lives in Ventura, etc.... always asking how did it go , what time will you back, that sort of thing. Since we are all single, there is no one who would be waiting for us to come home, no one saying, " Have a good time, " or " hope your visit goes well" kind of words so this group becomes our other half in a way. When I go out to lunch with my friend Ann, I always tell the gang that ahead of time so they won't worry about me, and then at dinner they always want to know where we went and did I have a good time.
Although we all watch out for each other on top of that we each have a buddy. We have this buddy system because more than once someone in this building has fallen and been on the floor for 12 hours or more yelling for help and no one could hear them. This is independant living so the staff doesn't administer help if you are ill or worry about you -- basically this is an apartment building that has activities , meals, maid service, etc.... When I was sick in July and August, my buddy, Larry , called me every day at 3:45 to see if I was well enough to go to dinner or did I want him to bring me food, did I need anything.... and then a call again before bed to make sure I was okay. Larry has a key to my apartment ,knows how to reach my kids , and watches out for me like a father or a husband would, telling me things like when it is time to get the oil changed in my car, setting up my t.v. remote, fixing things I can't fix or wait for son Lee to come here to handle. My kids are very appreciative of this caring and have thanked both Larry and the gang when they see them.
Well, I sure got off on a tangent there, didn't I?
What's new here? Not much. I feel stronger each day, which is great. And I am braver, lugging my oxygen to the grocery store, going by myself in the car -- no more hired drivers!! Went to the doctor by myself, too, carrying the battery pack along with me in case the oxygen compressor ran low in power. I've gone out to dinner with my daughter Karen and grand daughter Emily.. out to lunch with Lee and his daughter Maddie, even roamed around a book store with Lee, that oxygen with me like some two year old that continues to hold on to your leg as you try to walk.
I went to a lecture for people who use oxgygen and learned that my compressor is the newest thing out there. Others attending the lecture were fascinated with it, and the fact that I never have oxygen delivered, and how this runs on batteries and makes its own oxygen. I learned that the major airlines will let you travel with this compressor. The best advice I got at that lecture was to buy an oximeter, test what my oxygen level is now and then without being in a medical office. You just stick your finger in the little opening and bingo, up pops your reading.
I've been going an hour or more during the day , while in my apartment, without the oxygen on. I check to see how I am doing and as long as the reading is over 90 leave off the oxygen. The longest I have gone is 4 hours and that was so great -- hoping to eventually get so I only wear the oxygen when I sleep. The lung doctor said to give it a try as long as I am not coughing a lot. Don't know what the connection is between having the oxygen on and coughing but yesterday , with it off, I began to cough so back it went on.
I went to Trader Joe's and got a parking place right in front, so left the oxygen in the car while I went in to pick up a few things. Can't begin to tell you how neat that felt --- I mean emotionally. Walk along not dragging that oxygen, not worried about the long cord, etc... Wasn't in the store very long and put the oxygen on when I got back in the car, but felt rather proud of myself.
I haven't ventured out of my local area in the car with the oxygen yet. Funny thing. Son Lee put gas in my car in July and I didn't need a refill until last week. That tells you how I only drive a few blocks all the time. He did the refill, too.
Love it when Lee comes here -- he always takes my newspapers to the recycle for me. If Karen or Linda come here they go through my refrigerator and toss out old things, empty my trash. The kids are really great about doing things that make my life easier.
Books? I usually report on a book read on here. Where you waiting for that, Tracey? I'm reading " Middlesex" -- got the Pulitizer and is a huge book but the kind of good writing where I am not rushing along reading, want to savor the pages.
I became such a news junkie the last two years that now that the election is over I feel kinda lost every night without out that draw to the news shows. Okay, so I still watch Anderson Cooper, can't stand Larry King. By any chance did you see Larry interview that man who had a baby? Good God, he was dreadful with his questions. Rather than say the word penis Larry asked, " Did you have any surgery down there?" He has got to be the worst interviewer on t.v....
Yesterday was rather sad here. There is a ritual here. When a resident dies, and sadly they do and often, we have a celebration of life for them. Everyone gathers in the lobby area, food and drink are served and the children of the deceased come and talk about their parent, often old friends will show up and speak, too , and then some of the residents will speak. It's hard to handle. I wasn't a close friend of the lady who died but when I was so sick in July and August she kept leaving cute get well cards for me at my door. What a sweet thing to do. She loved words and always wanted to talk to me about having been a reporter, having written a book, etc... She had cancer and had turned down chemo because, " it makes you sick." She had come and talked to me about chemo, knowing I had gone through it four different years. I tried to convince her to go through it , even though it is a living hell. I didn't tell her about chemo brain, the dementia I got while in chemo, but did tell her about the great meds for nausea and tips for making it through. Still she decided not to do it. She didn't last long and knowing how she was suffering was pretty tough on me. I ended up walking out of her memorial yesterday when her daughter broke down in tears talking about her mother's life. I kept thinking about what if that had been me talking about my mother - still have a hard time with that, and what , God forbid, if it had been my own daughters? I decided I am not going to go to any more of those memorials. Buddy Larry said at dinner that he didn't go ,and for that reason -- makes him think of when his wife died,and what about his own kids? It's really the major down side to living here where our average age for a resident is 86 and I am still the youngest here by way too many years.
Okay, been sitting here without my oxygen on and doing okay. Feel a bit short of breath but according to the oximeter I am still at 92 so that's okay -- but a bit of a cough. Guess I best put it back on.
I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving. I wish I could make it to the desert to join son Tod and his wife for dinner. That's a downside to living here -- too far away from Tod now. Will see him for Christmas -- he and his Wendy always make the drive here for that holiday. I bet we will go through that annual " what day can we all meet" again for Christmas with Karen's kids in softball every weekend in some far away city, but it usually works out. Karen and her family will be in SanDiego for Christmas Eve and day so it will probably be the weekend before Christmas like we did last year and then I went to Lee's on Christmas Eve and stayed for two days. Won't do that this year, too much of a schlepp with the oxygen and all that I would have to take.. easier to just go for the meal and come back home -- am I becoming a senior big time???
That's it for my rambling for today... yeah ,I will let you know about my PET scan coming up, what day it is and when I get the results. Aside from being the watchdog for cancer, this scan may give us some answers as to why I got this breathing problem and why I had the build up of fluids around the lungs since so far no doc has the answers....
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