Hi and hello,
Today is Father's Day, June 17. The fathers in my life - son and son in law are both out of reach for a celebration, so the day will be like most other Sundays --- take care of things around the apartment, work on my book.
Fifty years ago today was a very big deal, I got married. Of course, I was a child bride, but child or not, looking back and wondering what if I had stayed married to the groom all these years. How different would my life have been?. Would I still have been a newspaper columnist, done the p.r. for Artie Shaw when the orchestra went on tour, had summers on Maui with my mom -- on an on. Would I be getting ready for a family celebration tonight to herald 50 years of bliss?
I'm not going to party today or tonight. Instead I will read my kids blogs to get their news from Berlin, Vermont and places in Southern California, then begin packing for Walla Walla and my class reunion.
Last March, when I made my reservations to go, I thought I would be in chemotherapy , so only made the trip to Walla Walla and back, a short trek, no going over to Seattle or spending after time with friends or family. Well, thankfully, I am not in chemo, and am wishing I had a longer visit planned.
Thinking with my kids gone all or most of the summer, I may go back up to Washington State in August, see Mom again, spend some real time in Walla Walla.
On the good side of the ledger, this trip on Wednesday will be a wonderful escape from life here at the Alta Cocker home.. good times with friends of more than 50 years. Most of us also went to grade school together, lots of years of being best buddies. Those long time friends is one of the things that makes me consider a move to Walla Walla - but, oh so far from California sunshine and my kids. Would do it if I could do it like my parents did -- winter in Palm Springs, summers in Washington State.
Last year at this time, I was preparing to drive to Ventura with a friend from Walla Walla, meet up with my kids and to go check out this senior living place, contemplate the move my kids were encouraging.
Hard for me to believe it has been a year -- the months of radiation therapy are a fog, feel like I didn't really mentally move until late March when that was over.
Now, I eyeball apartments around this neighborhood, thinking ahead to getting my own place again, have space and a garage.
My next PET scan is in August, so I won't make any decisions on should I move or not until after that, and also on how strong I am, would I be able to tolerate another move , be back in that routine of grocery shopping and cooking and cleaning and hiring people like a pest control and all else that means living alone? Lots to think about.
For right now, I think of this place as an apartment building that just happens to have other residents who are elderly, and one that also includes meals and a handyman and a concierge and ------do I want to give up all the perks? Lots to consider.
The tooth report...
Finally, I have all the crowns, the permanent bridges -- a full mouth of teeth again. Feels so odd, learning to chew all over again. And introducing foods I haven't had since January. All the days and weeks of radiation I couldn't swallow anything that wasn't liquid so that was a long time without real food, then the dental work and only y soft foods for 2 1/2 months --- I had a burger yesterday and a salad at dinner -- was very careful, took each bite slowly, part of me still fearful I will choke or break a tooth.
I have one more appointment, just before I jet off to Walla Walla and then that should be it -- and the teeth have a life time warranty -- are worth more than my car and look terrific -- I've got my old smile back.
I know I'm not the first person to need an expensive amount of dental work following chemo and radiation. My own brother is now wearing braces following his treatments and others have written me with their sagas, too.
No way to prevent the decay and damage because while in chemo, you can't have dental work done, too big a fear of infection - so with three years of cancer care, you can understand how much damage was done to my prior lovely teeth.
The View..
It's official. They've lost me. The day Barbara Walters went on and on about her phone call from Paris Hilton sealed the deal for me. In fact, she devoted portions of two days of the show to talking about her phone call. Give us a break, for gawd sake.
I don't know what the ratings for the show are now, but know they lost me, and my daughter Linda, too, and we were both faithful viewers.
Oh, yeah, my daughters did see Rosie O'Donnell when they were in New York a few weeks ago. Rosie did two pages of art for their new book. Check the girls site, visualchronicle.com, to keep up to speed on their latest book and their next gig -- teaching for a week in upstate New York in a few weeks.
That's a wrap. Sorry this was a bore. Not going to put anything from my book on here because now I'm in the last 1/3 and will wait and see what my agent buddy tells me. I got enough feedback from you all that it was funny and sad and all that it was supposed to be. Thanks for your comments, they were the push I needed to go forward.
The sun is breaking through the morning fog, I have chores to do and breakfast to get, so am ending this on that note.
Hope your Father's Day is a good one... and if you, like me, lost your father long ago concentrate on the good times that were the two of you.
Jan
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