Tab Hunter...
Thought that might get your attention. The skinny girl with him is me, having dropped over 15 lbs in radiation. Photo was taken last week the night before the Palm Springs Book Festival. The scene was a welcome party for authors. I was not one of the authors, but my son, Lee Goldberg, (Leegoldberg.com) was, and he took me along as his date.
I hadn't been out in ages, figured I could handle at least an hour.
I've had the cough from hell, the cough one gets if radiation hits your chest area -- cough so hard I vomit, or faint, or both.. so took a big swig of cough medicine before Lee and I walked in and I was okay. Left in just the nick of time, coughed my way back home to La Quinta.
Since last we met.... oh gosh, where to begin? I won't sugar coat this, radiation has been pure horror. The actual radiation doesn't hurt, feel nothing - -but get home and it is another story.
Since my tumor is up by the esophagus, my esophagus and throat got burned. I'd say raw is a better word and swallowing was totally out of the question. One swallow and I'd double over in pain and you know me, have high threshold for pain.
Everything felt like it went down and hit a brick wall, I'd be in such pain I could barely move.. .would moan and groan and cry and be sure I'd never make it to take another swallow.
Dr. put me on two, yeah two, vicidin every four hours and it just barely cut the pain so that gives you an idea of what it was like.
Then, the darn cough would not let up , so had cough medicine for that and it had drugs in it and next thing you know I was on a drug overdose, having hallucinations, babbling in a foreign tongue , writing words that meant nothing.
But, I'm still here. Radiation is over with, thank goodness and now I face the " after" part. When the doctor was telling me about the after reactions I asked him why he hadn't told me before and he said, " You may have run for the hills."
Might have!
The cough. It is going to get worse before better. It is coughing up all the radiation junk. If it gets tooooooo bad, call the doctor. Maybe he will take me out back and just shoot me.
Shortness of breath. Will get that, too, and some chest pains. Not just minor shortness of breath, big time shortness of breath for which , if it gets very bad, they will give me steroids to help me out. This will all last another 3 to 4 weeks.
Grim thought, isn't it?
My weight? I was sure drinking all the Ensure loaded with ice cream and other goodies and I would have put on weight, but no, I dropped another two lbs. I weigh 116 just what I weighed as a freshman in high school. Looked better on me then than now.
The weight loss is not the major, the loss of muscle mass is so need to build that back up somehow.
Dr. says I have a ways to go to recover from radiation so... I rushed to the phone and booked a flight to Seattle. Haven't seen my mommy in months and her 94th birthday is on May 17 -- so I am so excited. I will be there for Mother's Day and her birthday, then fly back here for cat scans , see the doctor again and move forward with what ever is next.
Really great news:
All four of my children will be participating in the huge LA Festival of books and the Borders Store ad brings a tear or two. All four are listed as signing books. How often would that happen?
I can't go. Too big a crowd for me, too much walking, but I know my son in law Dustin will take a lot of photos for me to see.
Next year, please God, I shall be well and one of the first in line to get autographs from my own children.
NOW...
Now that I can drive again ( Well, not to Phoenix or LA, says protective son Tod - todgoldberg.com).. I am off to do a bit of errands, see what I can find for my mom for her birthday, and see what I can order at IHOP I can get down that will also fatten me up. I think I hear a pancake calling my name!
Take care, thanks for stopping by and please forgive me for not writing to you in Germany and thanking you for your lovely card or you in the UK for the huge packet of fun things to read -- but truth be known I just felt pretty darn horrible for about 3 weeks or more.
See you on here, soon.
Fondly,
Jan
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