Jan Curran Events

And then I wrote...

This typepad is so screwed up!  I wrote this long, and of course fascinating, post, hit SAVE and it was deleted.  The tools for writing aren't working.  I got a group email from some hotshot at typepad saying they were having problems. No kidding!  He apologized for any problems. 

So now I will try once again...

Let's start with the dentist. I went to make sure that what ever it said in the pet about a possible tumor really wasn't that  - and it wasn't.  I have a lot of bone loss in the jaw.. so having a tooth pulled on Monday, a crown done, a partial made.  I could buy a used Ford Focus for what it is going to cost.  Not happy about it, but on the other hand, the dental work is much better diagnosis then it could have been.

Went out to dinner , a charity event in Ventura...

This was fun cus three of my four kids had donated books to the silent auction.. and then I also donated a signed first edition of my old book .. it was all in a cute basket, bidding was hot... all proceeds went to a variety of good organizations and services in this country including the shelter for abused women and children.

Here is the basket...

 

Afraid to do anything more on here with this goofy way typepad is behaving, so will see if this will publish or just disapear!

 

Overall, okay... some areas uncertain..

Okay , went for the PET results today.  As luck would have it not one of my four kids was in town or able to go with me, so I put on my brave hat, my calm manner and headed over to the oncologist for the news.  She told me I was very calm and I said it was just deep breathing but she begged to differ and said it was my years of experience with scans and results that keep me so calm all the time. If today was calm, good heavens, imagine me uptight!!

She's a lovely lady, and had the scan report in her hand and we went over it together.  There were a zillion " hot spots" areas that could be a something but for which the report states, " could be due to delayed radiation changes, tumor is a consideration."

The doctor goes with the feeling they are due to radiation.  God knows I had enough of it, two years in a row!

Some areas the report says, " probably vascular in origin.."

One area the doctor does want me to have checked ASAP.  Of all places in the lower left jaw right where I have nursed , for months now, a bone loss and the future loss of a tooth and the cost of an expensive partial and dental bill. I had the area xrayed in March and saw the bone loss but the dentist assured me I could still wait it out since it wasn't giving me any trouble, no tooth aches, no loose tooth --- yet!

Well this report on the pet says elevated activity in the lower left jaw area " most likely due to dental problem but tumor can not be excluded."

Dr. wants me at the dental office, asap for xrays and probobly pull that tooth sooner rather than later and then have the dentist watch that area very closely.  I already have a call in to the dentist and they will either work me in on Monday or Tuesday. The only reason the work in isn't tomorrow is cus the dentist is out of town.

Over all , how do I feel? Relieved.  Worried myself sick this a.m. that the PET report would not be good, had a stiff back last night and this morning, so was worried and also get a stiff neck now and then but the doc had an answer for that -- nerve damage going back to my radiation and chemo and the fact I have neuropohty from chemo that attacks my feet and legs.

I see the oncologist again in August and we will just watch me closely. This is not the first time I have had results with some hot  spots here and there and they went away or didn't change.. hopefully this will be the case this time, too.

Now, if I were a drinker would go have a stiff gin and tonic.  Those of you who have been through the traumas of PET scans know how I feel and felt.  This is the first time since 12/03 that I have gone so long without cancer activity so that is reason to celebrate -- so go have a drink for me, okay??

 

The Prize at the End...

As I finished off my four hour ordeal at the imaging center, the tech presented me with this card for coffee and a grab bag full of snaks cus I had been such a good and understanding patient.

The understanding part was because they had computer problems and I had to endure an hour or so more than normal.  What's a girl to do, other than stay there and go through with it all??

Happy to be back in my little apartment now... and will let you know the results of the tests in a week when I find them out...

Thanks for all the good wishes!

PET Day

Today is "D" day, D day I have my PET scan.  The imagining center called yesterday with all the instructions on me not having a lot of sugar 24 hours prior, drinking tons of water this morning, to wear warm clothes ( it is freezing in that tube!)..... 

So here I am, at 8 a.m. on the 12th, wanting a cup of coffee, which is a no-no on scan day... still in my jams reading the blogs of my kids -- Linda who had been in Minnesota to spend time with Rosie O'Donnell, Karen in Long Beach while her son was in a little film, Lee who is getting ready to head to the south for a confab, and Tod who is on his way right now to Bennington College in Vermont for more work on his masters.... 

My friend Lori is cruising the Greek Islands and I'm jealous, wishing I were on a cruise today. Instead I will cruise out of here about 10 and head to Oxnard, a short drive from here, and to the imaging center for my dreaded scan.  You'd think I would be used to them by now, been having them every 4 or 6 months for years, but it always scares me, makes me sick.. and then the nerve wrenching days of waiting for the results.  I'll get them on the 19th and,yeah, I'll let you know what they are but let's all think positively that they will be fine, okay?

What have I been doing? I mean up to this a.m...  Fighting allegies and found the solution, take a Clariton every night before bed, stops that running nose in the morning and keeps me pretty dry all day and night long.  And, I have been reading a lot. Both Lee and Tod overloaded me with books for mother's day and then Lee added to that getting me books at the big Book Expo in LA a week ago, so , yeah, been reading day and night.  Not been to the beach , mainly because it is June and June here meens " gloom" -- foggy and chilly.  Shan't complain because if I was in Seattle I'd be looking at on going rain, if in the East would be looking at the AC wondering why it couldn't battle the 100 degree heat and humidity.

Okay, I better wrap this up and get dressed and drink another bottle of water. Part of my instructions were to drink three big bottles of water before my scan..  Guess I will be cruising there, water logged!

Turn ons...

Could you resist this display at your supermarket?

Neither could I!

And how about a seat at this table?

Me , either. This was taken at a luncheon  I attended in Ventura , up on a bluff overlooking the ocean.  Ah, my kind of place, if I had the loot to buy it!  The rice crispy squares are more my financial limit...

How about this view from that house on the bluff?

View of another sort..

Last night, I snuggled in and watched one of my favorite films, " Roman Holiday."  I've seen it a zillion times, Audrey Hepburn is a doll, Greg Peck is so handsome and the ending never fails to make me cry.

Hepburn was so very good it is hard to believe it was her first motion picture.

I also watched " Young at Heart"staring Frank Sinatra and Doris Day and an impressive list of other stars, including Ethyl Barrymore who never got much to say.  Doris smiled and giggled so much in the film, she must have had a sore face by the time they got done filming. Was based on another story, "Four Daughters" but trimmed down to three for the film.  The singing by Sinatra was top of the line so worth struggling through the rather silly story.

It's beautiful here in Ventura today, picture perfect weather.. in the high 60's a breeze off the ocean........... wishing I lived in that house on the bluff where I would sit out on that patio and eat the rice crispy squares I just bought!

 

 

Yesterday..

Yesterday was May 17 , which would have been my mother's 96th birthday and which would have meant I'd be in Seattle with her for the celebration. We always had a good time, with birthday cake from the Madison Park Bakery, lots of little gifts, a visit from my Aunt Gertie ( who is now 94), my cousin Claudia and various caregivers who loved my mom.

Then we'd all end up going to my brother Stan's the next day for a real birthday celebration with a big dinner, lovely decor, wonderful food and lots of family members.  Last year, on what would turn out to be Mom's last birthday she was the life of her own party.  Looked adorable all dressed in pink, laughed and had such a good time. It was just great.

I thought about her so much yesterday, my heart ached.  Then today my daughter Linda posted a memory of her on her blog ( visualchronicles. com) that brought me to tears. Tears?  More like a hour of real crying.

Here's Mom on her 80th birthday which was a huge dinner and gala celebration in Seattle followed by a brunch the next day. Relatives came from all over -- even her London cousin who lives in Palo Alto flew up to Seattle for the parties.  There's a wonderful video from that day, full of laughter and love and I can't watch it without crying. Never could cus there are a lot of photos of my dad in it, too, and my grandparent's, too.

I said " here's Mom on her 80th" and you are probably wondering where that is. Just finally found it in all my online photos.

  Click for a larger picture. That's Mom on the left, and yep, that's me on the right.  I remember hunting for that suit and finally found it at a Loehman's in San Diego, of all places.  I had gone there for some weekend away with a gal pal who loved to shop and we just lucked out with that spring glamour suit for me.  Mom had bought her suit in Palm Springs before she headed back to Seattle at the end of the season.

Doesn't she look fantastic for 80?  I wish I looked that good at 70!

There are so many wonderful memories and I'd like to call Mom and talk to her about all the things that rush through my mind, things about the two of us on trips, being just together in the condo in Seattle, or out together in Palm Springs.  She often went with me, as my date, to galas in the desert, and the Bob Hope Classic and the Frank Sinatra were two of her favorites. She loved meeting all the stars.

Medical news..

Yesterday's mail brought an envelope from my ongology office. It made me instantly nervous. Was it a bill for things not covered by Medicare or AARP?  Was it word that my blood work wasn't good? I tell you, I stalled opening that envelope for over an hour, just nervous about what it might be.

When I did open it I was shocked.  It was orders for a full body PET and CAT scan for June 12th. The doctor had said we would do the scans in the summer.. do you think our recent heat wave made her think it was summer?  What prompted this?  Now, I am doubly nervous.  I hate the scans, fret so over the results, worry so and the scans are no fun, either. 3 hours there.. the IV for the gup that makes any cancer stand out in the results, that sitting in a dark room not moving for an hour, then all that time in that freaking tube!  And, afterwards, I always have a dreadful stomach ache from not having eaten combined with that dye or what ever it is that makes one radio-active after the test.

So there I was last evening, feeling so sad over missing my Mom, feeling anxiety over my upcoming scans and the phone rang. I knew it was my daughter Karen before I even answered. She gets so intune to me when times are bad and I knew she must be missing her Nana, too.

We had a lovely chat, talked about so many things and then at the end of the call about how it was my Mom's birthday and all the thoughts we had about her and how much we missed her.  Getting to talk to Karen surely made me feel better.

Karen always spoiled my Mom on her birthday, would send lovely gifts and then she and my daughter Linda always tried to fly up the week before her birthday for their own little party with her. Very sweet.  Know the kids are surely missing her, too. Well, I still miss my Nana, too, and it has been 47 years since she passed away.

It's another warm day here today.. but not as hot as the LA valley was with temperatures over 100, but still, hot enough for me to turn on the ac.. no ocean breezes yesterday and today is to be more of the same, but will cool off tomorrow.

Normally I would be in Seattle now and it never failed, they would have a mini heat wave when I arrived, or a snow storm.. never just normal rain.  Last May it was beautiful, warm days and I took Mom in her wheelchair and we went on car rides and on walks in the neighorhood -- to the park where she loved watching the little kids play and she would say to me over and over, " Just looking at you here makes me happy!"  Boy, it doesn't get much better than that, does it?

~ Jan

Every Day is Mother's Day..

But when Mrs. Hallmark makes it a national holiday then it is even more fun...

My offspring ,minus son Tod and his Wendy with whom I had done an early Mother's Day in Palm Springs, gathered at my son Lee's for a party hosted by him, his wife, Valerie, and their daughter Madison.

It was non-stop thin sliced and BBQed to the perfecto degree tri-tips, veggies, fruits and then a load of yummy pastries from daughter Karen......... we all ate, read tabloids, sat in the sun and then in the shade, played with the dog, watched the grand kids swim.

When was the last time you saw my daughters?  Well, for those of you who go to their blog at visualchronicles. com , that would be this morning if you are a daily reader but for those friends of mine who aren't addicted to Linda's words and photographs.. here is an up to the minute photograph of them, taken by me and I don't claim to be even half the photographer they are with their fancy smancy 35mm digital big cameras with all the lens.  These were taken with my camera, a Cannon that is so small it is hard to hold.

This is Karen who was celebrating Mother's Day and her wedding anniversary ,too. She said she had on two different kinds of makeup -- one on each side of her face and asked us which looked the best.  I  couldn't see any difference and thought the overall look was just beautiful.  Click on the photo for an enlarged view and maybe you can see the difference between the liquid and powder makeups.

And here, smiling her dynamite smile is my Linda.  She is always smiling, always looks good...  And if you want to see some of her really neat photos with wonderful comments go to flickr.com and then type Lindawoods in to search and up comes Linda's photos. She updates it almost daily, so a fun site to visit.

I got so busy eating and watching the little kids swim  -- good gawd but hearing " Marco" and " Polo" over and over could give a person a migraine!...  I neglected to take more photos.. but I know Linda and Karen took a lot of them so will keep checking flickr.com for both Lindawoods and KarenDinino for updates of our fun day together.

I also got lovely gifts from everyone, felt very special  --- was really a wonderful day.  Took a fast fade about 4:30 but managed to hang in there until 6:00 when everyone was heading home, too. One of the joys of living in Ventura is I am only 35 minutes from Lee's house, if there is no traffic on the 101.  Yesterday there wasn't any traffic when I headed home, so I was home and in my jams by7:00 and in bed at 7:30 and not ashamed to say it was lights out and me asleep before 8:00.

And, me, who used to be the night owl and never went to bed until the "Tonight Show" was over.  Will I ever come out of this rotten fatigue from chemo and radiation?  It's been a year since I finished my last radiation, feel stronger, but still, get that drop in energy that only going to bed can cure.  If that is the worst thing wrong with me, I'll take it!

My grand daughter Maddie asked me to be her email pen pal and send her a letter every day, so I best be a good grandma and log off here now and send her some words.

Oh  - -meant to tell you,  my son Tod at Todgoldberg.com has some pictures from the Salton Sea up on his blog and so does Linda - if you're from the desert or ever wondered about that remote and stinking place, go take a look.

~Jan

It was a cold and foggy day...

That's what the historians can say about Ventura today -- gees, it's like winter! Heat is on, and we plan to swim on Mother's Day.  Hoping son Lee heats his pool to about 108.

I just came back from the Hallmark store.  Went to get Mother's Day cards for a daughter and daughter in law and had to search for those and that search meant staring at hundreds of cards that all said, " To Mom..." and then the ones that said, "To Mom From Your Daughter".... Well, hell, I burst in to tears right there in the store.   It hit me so hard that my Mom is gone.  Not that I didn't know she was gone, but I used to send her a card a day the week of Mother's Day and then an assortment of gifts cus she loved opening cards and packages.  This grief process is the shits and you may quote me.

I'm heading out for a lunch date in a minute. No, not a guy.  From your eyes to God's ears --  not one date since I moved here.  That was one of the nice things about being back in PS -- going out to dinner with one of my long time male buddies.  There are old buddies here, but that is their age not our historical relationship!

Do you remember me writing about the white leather very chic jacket that was my Mom's and  I had it retailored to fit me after she died?  Well, just took it out of the closet and since it is like FEB and not like MAY, I'm going to wear it today.

Rather wishing I was in Palm Springs today, could use some of that heat....

That was screwy...

Okay, I am back. Did you click on that condo1 download thing? I did and up came a HUGE shot of one of the bedrooms at Villa Alejo.

I'll try again to get normal pictures inserted in here.  If it doesn't work..  what can I say?  This will be a shot of part of the living room so you can see the gray 80's carpet ,the built ins that were so all the rage in the 80's, too... and then a shot of the deck where I spent 99% of my time.

Ready?  Okay it worked. Click on the photo for a bigger image..

Aha the deck. Lori and I spent a lot of time out there -- she in the sun, me in the shade.  I also went out there in the evening.. just stared at stars ( the kind in the sky) and enjoyed the cooler nighttime air.

This is me, in the pink , with my friend Allene Arthur who is a society writer in the desert. We met at a pancake house, where no one would ever expect us to be.. had a fun lunch and she surprised me with a birthday gift - a Tony Bennett CD.  We gossiped for almost 2 hours and I loved it.

This is the highlight of my time in the desert -- getting to be with my son Tod Goldberg and his wife, Wendy.  It was nostalgic for Tod to be at Villa Alejo, too, since he learned to swim there as a little boy and then when he was in junior high often went there after school , spending time with his grandparents waiting for me to get off work.

What else did I do?  I went to a movie. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but I hadn't been to a movie since I moved from Palm Springs to Ventura... and I went to the Spa Casino and played the penny machines with pal Lori.  I won a total of nine bucks, which I promptly fed back in to the machine waiting for Lori to finish trying to win 10 bucks.

All in all, it was a super time away and I did harbor thoughts of moving back, back to where it costs a helluva lot less to live, and where I have so many pals. But, I'm no idiot and I know unless I had a summer getaway house somewhere on the coast I could never tolerate that heat in the desert. Hey, it was only about 100, yet I was sweltering -- what would I feel when it jumped up to 120?

The drive back was okay. Son Tod urged me to leave a bit earlier in the day than I planned since there was a huge musical festival out in Indio and I would be fighting for space on the freeway with 40,000 other travelers.  Tod also did a sweet thing, came and loaded my car for me.. too much for a little old lady maybe??  But, it gave me more time with him, and I will grab all I can.

So, there you have it , aside from my telling you what books I read -- think I knocked off a book a day and then Tod and Wendy brought me a tote bag full of new hardcovers to get me reading more when I got home, too!

I'm here in Ventura now -- it is foggy and chilly and I have on long pants and long sleeves -- a far cry from the shorts and skimpy tees I tended to live in while back in PS.  You know what? This cool weather feels just fine, thank you !

I'm going to head out again this coming Sunday but only as far as Calabasas and son Lee's where he will host the family for what has become our traditional Mother's Day -- BBQ, swim, and then everyone sit around taking photographs and reading all the trashy tabloids.

I'll try and take some photos then , too.. and if I can't will steal what ever daughter Linda ( visual chronicles.com) takes.

~ Jan

Palm Springs or Bust...

I did it, I made the drive to Palm Springs from Ventura...

I had my new enV phone from Verizon, freshly charged, and off I went.  Three hours later, tired, and feeling hot even with AC in my crappy Honda, I stopped to get a cup of coffee before heading the rest of the way in to the desert.

What made the drive three hours and not closer to four was the new 210 East -- goes all the way to Redlands now, which doesn't mean anything to those of you reading this on the east coast but for those of us who go back and forth, or used to, from the desert to the LA area, it means less traffic, and a shorter drive.

Pulled in to Palm Springs, took Vista Chino, a street that used to be a favorite short cut of mine and pulled over to one side near the junior high that son Tod ( todgoldberg.com) attended.  My goal wasn't to pick up some 12 year old, but rather to call the realtor to alert him to let me in to the condo I had rented.

DEAD PHONE!  Gees, new phone and that was the second time it had died on me after being fully charged. So then, I started the scavenger hunt to find a pay phone.  When was the last time you looked for a pay phone or used one?  Been years for me and last time I used one, it was 25 cents.  I finally found one in a Denny's Restaurant, pulled out my quarter only to find it now costs 75 cents to use the phones. What a ripoff! But, did get the realtor and he said he would leave the key under the door mat for me.

Now, this week, I will go over to Verizon and raise some hell. I had to keep my phone on the charger most of the time and never turn it off. When I turned it off is when it would die.  How crappy is that??

What a wierd feeling it was  to pull up to Villa Alejo. Know I have told you this before, but that is where my parents rented a condo from about 1962 until 1994 -- so a great many memories associated with that building that is one block from the famed Palm Canyon Drive in Palm Springs.

The floor plan of the condo I had rented from an owner was the same floor plan as the one my parents had, and just a few doors down from their unit.  I had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a big living room and kitchen and dining area, plus a washer and dryer and just me to use all that space.

I called my friend Lori -- we've been friends for over 40 years -- and she decided she would pack a little bag and come from her condo in Palm Desert and take a mini vacation with me at my rental.

We laughed about the condo.  I swear it hadn't been redone since 1980 -- was like stepping back in time, but you know what, it was a nice step back. I was so totally calm there, so relaxed.  I never turned on the t.v. for the entire week, had no computer with me -- I just sat on the deck a lot, read books, took naps, got some energy back.

Want to see a few photos?  You really have no choice unless you log off now.

Download condo1.jpg  What the heck happened??? No photo. My computer has been acting screwy, let me log off and reboot and I will be back.. try again to get the photos in and tell you more about my little get away.