Jan Curran Events

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I wsh I could say the reason you haven't found me on here was because I'd been on a wonderful trip , but that's not the case. It was a trip of sorts....

After a few weeks of being very weak and dropping too many pounds my docs decided to put me in the hospital for surgery for a feeding tube. ( ugh!). Once in the hospital it was more tests , more scans, more scopes and the outcome was pneumonia, a lung infection, more cancer and extreme fatigue.

I was in the hospital for 10 days and no going home unless I could manage the feeding tube ( I couldn't)and had a caregiver to take care of me. Hired a caregiver with experiene with feeding tubes and finally was able to go home.

So here I am, with the feeding tube and a feeding every 3 hours and this cargiver hovering about in this little apartment. There has been a total loss of my former life routines and all privacy. I hate it, but it is better than a nursing home which would have been my other option and that would have been a living hell for sure.

 I don't have much energy, sleep a lot, feel weak and hope I am gaining some weight. I'm on three different antibiotics every day for this lung infection which imitates TB,but isn't, but is just as hard to cure. ( my luck!)

It's the " June Gloom" here at the beach with fog all day long but that is fine with me.  Prefer that to being too hot with me in bed and all.

Reading? Have a lot of books but haven't felt well enough to read yet. I am just too tired. Mostly I get in bed and day dream , day dream about what it was like to be well and out and about and seeing friends and going places. The only place I have been is to the dentist. Now, that's a story , too.

When I came home from the hospital the next day my partial broke. No time for me to go out but off the caregiver and I went to see the dentist. Why did the partial break? I lost so much weight that my bite changed and my teeth were hitting in spots they never hit before. The partial got fixed but my bite is till off and driving me nuts with my teeth clicking against each other and some swallowing problems. Is this a gloomy post or what???

OKay, I'm tired, so that is it for now. Thanks to all who have written or called. I'm hanging in hoping to get stronger.

The cancer? All treatments have been canceled because I am not strong enough to tolerate them and since chemo isn't working, well, my prognosis isn't so good. I try not to think about that, it just makes me very nervous and anxious and a bit scared, too.

I'll try and get back on here sooner rather than later...

chemo canceled...

On Thursday...

I was all mentally geared up for chemo and what  I knew would be three weeks of me with no energy or appetite... and also ready to get the results of my scan, hoping it would show this tumor either gone or greatly reduced.

What I got was a shitload of bad news. Chemo canceled cus the tumor grew from 2.4 in January to 2.8 now. What does that mean? It means this chemo choice was not working. Chemo canceled while we figure out what to do next.

Besides that bit of news learned I had dropped 10 lbs putting me at 101. Pretty far down from my old normal weight of 125. I look like I have anorexia. Ugly..

And all this shortness of breath I have been experiencing? Oxygen level is normal but heart rate hovers around 130 and if I walk across a room, up it goes to 137 and scares me. So , Monday ( today is Saturday) I see a cardiologist and on Tuesday I see the lung doc.

What options are there for treatment now? Very few. Since I have had cancer 6 times I have bout exhausted the list of chemos one can use. Dr. will do some research to see if there is anything new that might work. And we are hoping I am a candidate for Radio Frequency Ablation which would go in and zap the tumor. Keep your fingers crossed on that one for me!

I go back to the doc on May 4 for a consultation. I think son Lee and daughter Karen will go with me. Don't want to be making serious decisions alone.

Book talk...

I finished Water for Elephants and loved it and now am searching for another good novel to read. Don't want to read a mystery or a thriller. ..just a good story. Maybe a good bio. Any suggestions?

Birthday..

My birthday is May 2. Hoped to be celebrating good news. Well, that won't be the case. WEll, will celebrate that daughter Karen finishes her breast radiation on May 1 and I can stop worrying about her every day. She's a tough cookie and will be listed as a cancer survivor.

Sorry my news isn't so great this go around.

~Jan

Chemo went fine..

Chemo went okay..

Lasted less than 2 hours so my oxygen battery also lasted and it went okay. Had a few minutes, well 35 to be exact, as I waited to get hooked up and that fear my oxygen wouldn't last, but it did and whew!

I hadn't lost any weight so doc was pleased about that. Still 20 lbs under so have weight to gain but it seems to be hard to do. About all I can do to stay stable. Keep trying. Even took a piece of pie to go from Marie Callendar's when out for lunch with pal Ann the other day. Didn't help in the getting fatter category.

Ann and I try to meet once a week. Even have our " own" booth at the restaurant now and a waiter who knows what our regular menu choices are. Makes it fun and it's a good break for me plus an effort in this gain weight game.

Dr. asked if I had any symptoms of a tumor in the liver , but I don't. Hopefully I won't. We are scheduling me for a liver scan for a few weeks from now, check the status of the tumor. Hopefully it has shrunk. has not grown. Would be wonderful if it was gone, gone, gone.

The hardest part for me about going to chemo is seeing the other patients in the infusion room. Some look like posters for people suffering. Breaks my heart. Bald, pale, with a family member sitting next to them being reassuring. I had times like that with son Tod, well, with all my kids back in the desert when I was in chemo. Not happy memories and this time seems easier. Thank God for that.

Driving myself made a big difference. Was home in a few minutes and none of that waiting for a driver to pick me back up. Was a gutsy thing to do, to do the driving myself, but they didn't give me anything that would make me dopey, so it was okay.

Was tired when I got home. Had something to eat and was in bed by 6. Asleep by 7  I am sure. Was beat.

Feel okay this morning, just the fatigue that comes from chemo. I'll take a nap after lunch.

Started reading " Water For Elephants". Like the writing but nearly fell asleep reading so will go back to it after my nap today.

Warm here, nice, about 70 but too windy to sit outside this morning. Maybe the wind will stop by this afternoon. I enjoy sitting out on my deck. It's very peaceful.

Thanks for stopping here.

 

 

A new day, more chemo..

Today is chemo day again. Time may have gone slowly for you, but for me, it zoomed by and  I feel like I barely had time to rebuild back up some strength before it is time to go again. I really got knocked down for about 9 days this time, then like a curtain raising, the tide changed and I felt pretty good this last week and a half. Hey, I even went out to lunch with my friend Ann. Only went a block away but it was a nice a long lunch filled with lots of good chatter, so relaxing and a nice break for me.

I'm going to drive myself today. Big gutsy thing to do, but figure my oxygen battery ought to last long enough so don't need someone along to haul the electrical hookup and if all goes well, I should be out of there in under 2 hours and home in time to charge the battery a bit before dinner time.

I've done all my " before" chores, like laundry and refilling RX and stocking up on some things in the grocery categories, so think I am set. Just need to pick out a book to read while there. I never read " Water For Elephants" which was a best seller a year or so ago and had it here on my shelves so might take that. Don't feel like reading a mystery and have quite a few of those here that one or the other of my sons got me.

I'm mentally prepared for the next week, that debilitating fatigue after chemo. Dreading it, but ready mentally. Daughter Karen offered to come over one day and give me a hand with things I might need. What a sweetheart. And here she is in radiation therapy herself, but so far, so good and that fatigue hasn't hit her yet. I'm hoping she will continue to sail through it since they just bought a house and she is going to need energy to pack up boxes and all.

Our weather is perfect. No rain. Temperatues around 70, blue skies, no clouds and the air smells like the ocean.  I  think I will go sit outside on my deck now for a few minutes, take advantage of feeling good.  I'll leave here about 1:15 for chemo, which means  I can have lunch here first.

Tell me, read any good books you think I would like to read while going through chemo and staying close to or on the bed?

Feeling weak this week...

My buddy Larry said to me at dinner ," You're looking weak..." Well, I felt weak, too , yesterday. But don;t you think that is pretty par for the course with chemo on day two following infusion?

The actual infusion day went great on Thursday... I felt fine and felt pretty good the next morning, too. Oh, forgot to tell you, had a chest xray first and no fluid around the lungs, so went in to infusion doing better.  And I had gained three pounds. All good stuff.

I really love my doctor. She is very soft, compassionate, caring. Made sure  Iwas all settled and comfy in the chair before infusion began. My doc back in the desert would never have done that. I'm seeing what a difference the personality of the doc has on your psychological feelings and how well you do at infusion.

Mostly I have been either on or in the bed since the afternoon following chemo. Just hits and hits hard with this fatigue. But, I know that so don't panic when my legs just won't go but surely hate that feeling. I go to walk and my legs start to buckle. Have to stop, stand for a minute holding on to something and then try again. This too shall  pass.

Finished reading " Mrs. Astor Regrets."  The rich are surely different. Enjoyed the book and now have it packaged up and stamped MEDIA MAIL so I can ship it off to a friend in Washington State to read and enjoy.

My son Lee got me a book , " Secrets of the Hollywood Girls Club". He says he didn't know anything about the book, got it at a book expo but it has a flashy cover and he thought it might be a fun read. I took it along to read during infusion. Well, let me tell you, what a hoot! It has so many hot sex scenes Harold Robbins would blush reading it and I feared the nurse would look over my shoulder and think I was in to porn or something. Told Lee, we had a good laugh and then he checked out the reviews for the book and they were all good... critics consider it a humor book. Okay, sex you can laugh about....

Anyone else using this typepad frustrated? It jumps around and I can't get even one sentence written without back spacing and deleting and feeling angry. Daughter Linda wrote that she figured out how to get past this , think she is writing in WORD and then pasting it in. I may have to do that next time.

Okay, this is going to be a wrap for now.. time to get dressed and then eyeball the bed again! Hang in there with me, we will get through this. Now only four more chemo times..

 

I'm not in the hospital...

OKay , it's a week later...

Saw the doc today and thankfully I had bounced back. Cell counts normal, dropped the weight I put on with fluid retention, lungs sounded fine. Whew!

Now, here is the deal. She thought maybe we ought to only give me chemo every 4th week since I got hit so hard by it, but I'm going to go ahead and have it again next Thursday and if I get hit hard, then will go four weeks the next time. Don't you agree , might as well give it a try.

Karen is healing from her surgery and next week has the appointment where they do the body tattoo and all and then guess radiation a week after that. She's in good spirits.

I'm having trouble with this typepad.com today.. keeps jumping around the page so since I am a bit cranky am going to stop before I toss the computer across the room.

Draging my ass...

I haven't been on here cus to be honest,didn't have the energy to type. Could barely breath.

Let's back track. Had chemo on the 12th. Only took less than 2hours so that was good. I ended up hiring a driver which was also good cus I was kinda light headed after wards. That night was fine.

Woke up the next day and felt totally knocked down. NO energy, trouble breathing ,which was the worst. Kept hoping it would get better. It didn't. Heart racing ,oxygen levels below normal and my face looked swollen to me.  My buddies here told me " You look like shit," so guess I looked lke how I felt.

I'm doing a new kind of chemo, new in the last three years. It's called Alimta. Same side effects as other chemos -fatigue, low cell counts, mouth sores, nausea and shortness of breath. I had the shortness of breath and double in spades.

I have spent the last week mostly sleeping. I go downstairs for a meal and then right back to bed... down for the night , lights out at 5:30.

I get dressed in stages. Jeans, lay down for a little nap. Shirt on, lay down for a little nap. Took me all morning just to get dressed. Good thing there was no fire drill here.

OKay, yesterday it was back to the doc to get checked. I had gained 3 lbs just in fluid retention.. fluid around the lungs, my face all puffy. My red cell counts had dropped. Got a shot for that. About the fluid.  Was sure the doc would send me to get that fluid drained , but she didn't. Instead she put me on a diuretic, potassium and an antibiotic.

Here's the deal. If those meds don't bring down the fluid problems by next Thursday then she will put me in the hospital. Yee gads, don't want that. We all need to group together and focus on me not going in the hospital.

How did I do on the diuretic? Up and to the bathroom every 15 minutes and leg cramps that were so bad I wanted to scream,but didn't. Tough upper lip and all that.

My face doesn't look as puffy today so hopefully this routine is working. Will keep you posted.

Books read?  I always have a book with me. Finished off Carrie Fisher's " Wishful Drinking" at the docs. Very funny.  She raves about her mother but is downright mean when talking about Eddie Fisher. I lost some respect for her over the cheap shots she took at him.

Okay, time for a bathroom run again. So now you know with this odd ball typepad and the slow backspace key it took me bout 15 minutes to write this.

Family update before I log off.. Son Tod had some meeting in LA last night so stayed over night and is coming to visit me today. Can't wait. Haven't seen him in months.

My Karen had more surgery, is coming along fine and radiation will start within 2 weeks.

Thanks for stopping here.

~Jan

Feb. 12. Mark the date...

Okay, after a long conversation with my doctor tonight I decided to take the " aggressive path" and start chemo sooner rather than later. I begin on Feb. 12 and will go every 3 weeks for six months.

I feel fine now, am not sick or anything, this was a decision based on the most aggressive way to hit this new tumor.

Now I need to start making a list for my list.. stuff I need to take care of or buy or do before I begin.. so cutting this short right now.

I'll get back to you.

If you are on facebook and want a good laugh, and are not bothered by the use of the F word, then go read my son Tod's take on some of the things that go on on facebook... it's funny. ( todgoldberg.com) and if you are on facebook and have noticed all those people getting tagged with " 25 random things about me" then you'll want to read daughter Linda's 25 on her blog at visualchronicles.com and for sure son Lee's very funny and interesting 25 on Leegoldberg.com.

No, I haven't done a list of 25 random things and doubt I will...but you never know...

Back in the battle again..

Okay, so I begin once again...

If you've been reading this blog for years than you know I have done 4 years of chemotherapy but haven't done any for the last three years. I did two years of radiation, but this last year and a half have been home FREE with no cancer.

That all changed yesterday.  The results of the scan on Monday showed that this mass at the tip of the liver is not a cyst, is not a cluster of small tumors, is just one sitting there all alone.  One with a big C on it.

Chemotherapy is the way to go once again and I'll be honest with you, I am dreading it.. that nausea, the fatigue ,the mental confusion that is called " chemo brain."

When do I start? Right now that is up in the air. My doc said she believes in quality of life for the patient and now, after months of battling this lung condition and hauling around the oxygen I have finally gained some weight ,am doing "quite well" says the lung doc, am driving my car, able to go see friends and family, run errands, live a somewhat normal and contented life.  That would abruptly change with the onset of chemo.

I have no symptoms of anything, blood work is fine, no pains, no loss of appetite. She feels that as long as  I have no symptoms she doesn't want to put me in the position of being sick from the chemo yet. She would prefer to watch me closely, have me report any changes in my feelings ( food, pain, etc) for another month and then decide if we should start chemo then. We would start instantly if  I devlop any symptoms.

Now, you are probably asking the same question my four kids have asked -- is this delaying the start of chem putting me at any risk, will it allow the tumor to grow or spread?

Stupid me didn't ask that question yesterday which points out the need for one to never ever go to the doctor for results of a scan alone. It takes more than one brain to ask the zillion questions that come up. I have a call in to the doc with the kids' question.

I have a million things running through my mind.. lists for lists... things I need to arrange before starting chemo, things like hire a driver, arrange for auto pay on most of my bills. Well, a list so long you don't want to read it all!

How do I feel emotionally? More upset than I thought I would be. That, I am sure, is do to the total recall I have of just how sick chemo did make me before and will make me again.

I don't have a guest room in this apartment, will I have to hire a caregiver that comes for a few hours each day since I can't have friends come and stay with me -- that is just one of the many things that just pops in to my head.

I will NOT have to go get my head shaved again. Whew! The kind of chemo the doc plans to use does not cause you to lose your hair, eyelashes ,eyebrows and hair in places we shouldn't talk about on here.

I'll keep you posted.

I know you are also wondering about my lovely Karen. Her genetic testing showed she did not have the gene , the mutation , that causes breast or ovarian cancer ,so looks like that means she won't have to have more surgery. She meets with the radiation oncologist next week. Hate for her to go through radiation, hate all this for her, but she is so upbeat, so positive, still so full of fun, she will do fine.

It is sunny and warm here in Ventura so one thing for sure, I will not be worried about driving in snow or ice to get to the infusion center.  That's another advantage to being here and not back in the desert. In the desert I drove 45 minutes each way to get to infusion and home, it was such a hard haul.  Here I will be 10 minutes away from the oncology office and the hospital. Will make a huge difference in my days.

Thanks for your messages and prayers. Now, let's all go eat some chocolate cake!

~Jan

 

You here from facebook.com?

Hi and welcome and  I bet you are looking for some info on the Jan Curran Fan Club.

The club began about 5 years ago from an idea of my own that was then adopted by my friends in the Palm Springs area.

It was simple. I was in chemotherapy at the time and would take my own magazines to the cancer center for other patients to read, also put some in the lobby for waiting family and friends to enjoy. People began to anticipate that weekly delivery, so I asked a few friends to do the same.. from that grew this nationwide ( and also in Germany and England) fan club that was doing just what  I was doing.

You just save your weekly and monthly magazines and then deliver them to a cancer treatment center or hospital to help patients and their families pass the time.

The Palm Springs charter group used to meet for lunch once a month and everyone brought their magazines which then were loaded in to vans or station wagons and delivered to every hospital and treatment center in the greater Palm Springs area.  The lunches were great fun, and the final one before I moved from PS to Ventura was televised on the local cable station.

You don't have to have a van load of magazines to do this. Even if you only have three or four magazines those would be welcome by any patient sitting in some exam room with nothing to read, or another patient going through hours of chemo or another waiting to do radiation.

Now, if you do have 25 or 50 or more magazines each month, spread them around. Go to your local hospital and then to a nursing home or children's' treatment center of any sort. Parents need something to read, too.

The cancer center in Rancho Mirage, CA had a small library in the infusion room, so I began also taking some books there. Not boxes full, but a book or two now and then and my son Lee gave me some of his books out in paperback and I donated those, as well. The books were very welcome!

Okay, see how it works?  I no longer have membership cards or the booklet listing each chapter of the fan club. Oh, I've got them, but they are all in storage with my move to this senior living facility.. so just tell yourself you are a member and start doing this magazine bit. 

Now that my daughter Karen is also a cancer patient, my family will be thanking you even more.

The good news on Karen is that the genetic testing showed she did NOT have the genetic trait for ovarian cancer and breast cancer. She does have breast cancer and will be having more surgery in early FEB and most likely radiation treatment but is no longer also faced with the possibility of also having her ovaries removed.

If you just joined the Jan Curran Fan Club -- many, many thanks, and a special thanks to fan club member, and my cousin, Mike Barer in the Seattle area for deciding to put the fan club on facebook.com.  I'd never have been savvy enough to do that myself --- kudos to Mike.

Now, go tell your friends to start saving their magazines and join this club with no dues, no set meetings, just the goal of putting a smile on the face of a cancer patient or member of their family.

~Jan